Silent Treatment Abuse

So, I met with my daughter on Friday for my birthday. Our conversation was good and she did discuss her plans on moving out next year, but did not discuss the reasons why.

Since I do have a bit of information, I was able to ask her questions about her plans. I asked if she had been apartment shopping yet. She said she had not started. I also suggested that even though her father was willing to help out, to consider picking an apartment she can afford without his help. She said that she didn’t want to live in a bad apartment. I said, “It doesn’t have to be bad, but it may be small.” If her dad did give her money, she could just put it in the bank for anything else that comes up. She thought that was a great idea.

She asked some questions about why I didn’t keep her dad’s and my house. I told her that I could not afford that house and had to look for something else in my price-range. She said, “It was really nice of my dad to help you out with that house.” Perhaps her dad told her he helped me out? I explained how when a couple buys a house together and they divorce, that they either sell the house or the other person buys the other out and they split the profits. My ex-husband certainly didn’t help me get in that house. In fact, he resisted all the way and was actually very upset when I was able to purchase that house and move out.

After dinner, when the waitress brought over the bill, my daughter reached over and grabbed the bill. I think she was planning on paying for dinner. This was a very sweet thought. She as a little startled by the price of the Sushi dinner. I suggested that she pay for the tip and save her money.

It does sound like her stepmother is not being very nice to my daughter anymore. It was not that long ago that her stepmother was trying to be my daughter’s BFF. This woman has never attempted to be polite or cordial in my direction. It was surprising to hear that she is now being nasty towards my daughter. Over the years, his wife has definitely been emotionally abusive to our daughter. One of her tactics is to use the silent treatment, but that was also a weapon of choice by my ex-husband towards me years ago. I am not sure my daughter understands that this is emotional abuse.

One person mentioned that I have been on the payroll for years by receiving child support. Getting out of 18 months of child support is one of the top reasons he talked her into moving in with them. Perhaps now it is just costing them money and maybe she wants that money. Although my daughter mentioned once that his wife got a speeding ticket and she had to go ask him for the money. This sounds like she does not have access to the household finances. Plus, last year his wife sent me a message that I needed to pick up our daughter every other weekend. Now, it makes more sense that she may have been tired of being a full-time parent. She never had kids herself and only had weekend visits previously.

Today, I sent my daughter a website that lists rooms for rent. The rent prices seem like they are within a price range that she might be able to afford. It does seem like this is a more affordable option than her trying to get her first apartment all by herself. Maybe she will check it out and find something that makes sense. This will at least allow her additional time to figure out her finances.

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